


Scattered

by bunch_of_foxgloves



Series: im sorry lance [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, I suck at titles, I think?, OOC, References to Drugs, but it's only vent so, more unhealthy coping mechanisms, so much ooc, you dont see much of them tbh but theyre there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 03:17:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10982223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunch_of_foxgloves/pseuds/bunch_of_foxgloves
Summary: Honestly, he didn't know; he was sick of people assuming he knew everything just because he was the one doing it. He didn't know why he liked taking so many painkillers on purpose occasionally (addiction? It couldn't be, right? No, it wasn't. It wasn't. That was a stupid idea). He didn't know why he was so fucked up. It wasn't as though he hadn't thought about it, but not everything was black and white, plain to see.





	Scattered

**Author's Note:**

> just an aftermath kinda bc i cant write the actual telling
> 
> also i suck at emotions

Lance's head was a hurricane, viciously ripping up all his thoughts almost beyond repair in the darkness. What did one do when their world was being torn apart before them? Scream? No, that was impossible.

Instead, he stuttered uselessly for minute after minute, then stuttered some more as he tried to tape himself back together  _just_ for this conversation. But each scattered piece repelled any other and gradually these disasters were lost. Would they stay gone forever? No, that was impossible. 

'I-I mean,' he whispered with his last word, leaving the rest to nothing.

'You mean what, Lance?' Hunk asked. 'Why would you want to do this?'

Honestly, he didn't know; he was sick of people assuming he knew everything just because he was the one doing it. He didn't know why he liked taking so many painkillers on purpose occasionally (addiction? It couldn't be, right? No, it wasn't. It wasn't. That was a stupid idea). He didn't know why he was so fucked up. It wasn't as though he hadn't thought about it, but not everything was black and white, plain to see.

He didn't know what to say.

'I'm sorry,' he finally decided on. Sorry wasn't all he had to say but the words were jammed somewhere inside his head. Sorry was all he could manage.

'Why are you sorry?' Hunk asked and Lance wondered if he could reverse time before he had to say  _it_ out loud. It was different somehow when it was just in his head.

'I'm just... I'm not the centre of the universe,' he said. 'This isn't even a problem if you think about it. I'm- my problems won't matter in the end. So, you don't need to, like, care about it.'

'No-one's the centre of anything,' Hunk said. 'Problems don't matter to the universe. They matter to people, though.'

Lance slid his fingers along his throat, considering what had just been said. He was stuck here. Well, he needed to calm down for a start. Maybe he could get away with a quick squeeze? The room was dark enough, so he did. The sudden coughing fit, however, didn't go as unnoticed as the harsh pushing against his throat had.

'Wait, have you taken any now?!' Hunk demanded. 'How many did you take? Are you gonna be sick?'

He knew he shouldn't have brought it up, pulling his sleeves back down as he removed his hands from his neck. Now, he'll never get a second away from their overly concerned glances, words, and actions (he knows they mean well but every time he's reminded how he's apparently incapable of life he just wants to bash his head against a wall until his skull caves in).

'No,' Lance said, wishing the opposite was true. 'I'm good.'

'What was that then?' Hunk asked.

'Probably caught something.' 

'You sure?' Hunk asked. 'You said that before, you know, when you were... um...'

'I know,' he said. Of course he knew that much. He had to remember every excuse he gave anyone if he didn't want to raise suspicion. 

'You're definitely sure?' Hunk asked. Again. Really, Lance should've told Pidge or something. At least they kept their concerns private when they weren't an expert on the topic (mostly).

'Hunk, I remember what pills I did or didn't take today,' Lance said. 'I swear I didn't take anyway.'

He was soothing Hunk more at this point, Lance noticed when Hunk breathed out a huge sigh of relief. But he didn't expect anything less where Hunk was concerned. He pushed away all the thoughts that he should be the one being soothed, in favour of thinking up some positives. At least his room wasn't being searched (even if he knew exactly how good his hiding places were).

'Do you have any on you now?' Hunk asked.

'No,' Lance said, hoping it was a lie he could get away with. Used to doing this, he could lie to almost anyone but Hunk wasn't as easy to appease as most. He needed to finish the packet himself, not get them taken away.

When Hunk didn't speak, Lance asked, 'Are we done?' He enjoyed talking to Hunk as much as anyone but he would've preferred it if his past self could've kept his mouth shut and avoided this topic.

'Tell me if you ever take them?' Hunk asked.

'Will you tell anyone?' Lance asked in return.

'I don't know yet,' he said. 'I've just- I didn't think that you did it. What if you take too many?'

'I won't,' Lance said. 'I know how much my body can handle.'

'If you're sure, then,' Hunk said. 'Just... Don't die. Please.'

'I won't,' Lance said, again, making a promise he knew very well he would be willing to break in another one of his depressed moods. 

'I like you being alive Lance.' No, that was impossible.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry idk how to grammar.
> 
> since i am one of the unlucky people taking gcse exams rn, this is a vent fic and an english language practice combined, which is why theres randomly placed techniques and it looks weird at the beginning. sorry if it put you off lol, because i know better than anyone i didnt sustain that throughout the whole thing.
> 
> not that its really related to what i wrote in the slightest (also im just rambling at this point) but i listened to amsterdam by nothing but thieves whilst writing this. 
> 
> this is just my experiences, you can say if you disagree with what's happened though, no worries.


End file.
